Wooing

To woo a partner can be so very different depending on culture. This is one the hilarious conversations that happen between our language instructors and trainees. The past few days we have had installments of the “How to Woo an American Woman” workshop. Tip #1: Cook her a meal. A definite challenge for a Rwandan man considering they usually leave all the cooking to the women. It is much more extreme gender divisions than in America. The men aren’t expected to go anywhere near the kitchen and they certainly never learn how to cook from anyone. There are exceptions but this defines the majority of men.

In Rwanda, “dating” doesn’t actually happen. When you ask if they are dating or have a girlfriend/boyfriend they always deny it. They don’t call it dating. They say they have a friend. But if a girl says she has a friend people automatically assume it’s her boyfriend. They are basically not allowed to date. It’s more about asking friends and assessing their family. Reputation and family approval is extremely important here. If the family doesn’t approve, it’s a deal breaker.

Perceptions of beauty are also different here. If someone calls you fat it’s a huge compliment. They will often comment on how you are gaining weight. Also saying someone dresses like a mom is a compliment -which does make sense when you consider that getting married and having children are the ultimate goals in life here.

It is difficult to represent the entire female, American population with my opinions. I am certainly not mainstream, as I believe most Peace Corps volunteers could say about themselves.