Day 21

Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an ability.

Plan to be surprised.

Two great lines from Dan in Real Life, which I believe to be one of those great underrated movies – and not just because the teacher from Glee plays the traffic cop.

I have spent the last week or two intensely planning my life: grad school, new cities to live in, GRE to take, career trajectory. Yes, I just used the phrase career trajectory. I became a bit of a manic. Lists were coming out of my ears because they make life fit into nice, manageable boxes.

I’ve never been one to plan. I like to test the wind a bit. Stand in one place, really still and access my feelings. I understand that I will change throughout life and I should leave room for that evolution. I’ve never made a bucket list, mainly because I like to take adventures as the opportunities present themselves. My life has never had a drought of adventure, probably because I tend to make friends with people who plan and make bucket lists and schedule reservations. As much as everyone says that leadership and taking charge is a good personality characteristic, I quite enjoy the tag-along position. I hate planning vacations. I like to wait and see what everyone else wants to do that weekend. I’d much prefer spontaneously inserting myself into other’s plans.

Something must have snapped in me. Being here, in Rwanda, has made me feel invincible in a way that really needed to happen. When I was sitting in East Lansing, before leaving, I had resigned myself. I had finished my bachelors and watched all my friends move on with their lives. I really hate being left instead of doing the leaving. I was pondering life and frustratingly wasting time. But I needed to waste that time. I needed to sit, and test the wind. When I considered what I wanted to do with my life the possibilities seemed endless. I’ve never had much of a problem with self-confidence/arrogance so I truly believed that I could achieve anything. The next question was, what would I be most proud of myself for doing. Up until this point in my life, I have no self-pride. Everything I’ve achieved I believe was practically handed to me. I’ve been given great privilege in my life and to top that off I haven’t had to work too hard for anything. Yet at the same time I found myself in a life with distinct boundaries. Some dreams just seemed too big, too unrealistic. I found myself getting really excited about a job for a certain organization but never thinking that I could be that person seeking it. My universe was shrinking and, to be as melodramatic as possible, a part of my soul was dying.

So I made that first big leap: Peace Corps. I just knew that would open the door for me to take baby steps towards a life I’m actually excited about. I don’t expect to have all my life goals set in stone right away. In fact I like that way. As my father says – he’s still figuring out what he wants to be when he grows up. And I hate to admit it but I become more like him every day.

The good news: the floodgates have opened. I’m a planning machine. I’m sure I will change my mind as time passes but it’s nice to dream big again. The next step seems so much more reachable when you plan it from Rwanda.

The bad news: I forgot to let life surprise me. Acting like I can actually plan out the next 5 years of my life is a joke. (Don’t worry parents, my future takes place in the United States, I just can’t tell you which state yet ☺)

The great news: Love is an amazing thing. Maybe you should watch Dan in Real Life at this point and then continue reading. It just reminded me how rare having true loving relationships can be. There is a scene of a whole family coming together at a cottage to close it up for the winter. I’ll admit I started crying. Rwanda has made me a major sap. I am incredibly blessed to have an amazing family. Who, amazingly enough, have used this distance to create even more meaningful relationships with me. And I’m crying again…I wish I could send love in a package!

And now a disclaimer: for people who believe that physically running to a different continent separates you from (a) your past, (b) your problems, or (c) your internal battles with your character flaws – that is the biggest joke in the world. Thank goodness I was under none of those assumptions. Placing yourself in a completely new environment, being socially different from everyone around you, and having loads of free time to think is essentially better than paying for a therapist. It’s like putting life under a big magnifying glass. Wow, are those blemishes ugly! So far I have become the human equivalent of a Hallmark card. For those of you who know me in real life – I’m sure you are laughing fairly hard at this point. Being sentimental was never quite a strong suit. But then again writing is always easier for me to express myself. Exhibit A: this blog… Maybe if I had just written letters to family and friends my entire life our relationships would have been much deeper a long time ago. Oh to be born in a different era.


Now switching gears:
I’ve said a lot of presumptuous things about people sending me books…and I will continue with that. No pressure…I’m serious. But if you are choosing to send me books please send me used books whenever possible. This will be a mini character analysis for you all – but firstly, I’m super cheap and encourage everyone else to be so as well. Secondly, I believe each individual book has a little life trajectory. It should reach as many people as possible of course. But in addition to that, there’s something magical about the fact that it goes from one person’s life to another with the ability to create so much change. As much as I love books having surround me, especially in my own home, I also like to set books free and give them to people who will actually read them and be changed and pass them along to create more change. This was one of the biggest reasons I sold a massive amount of my books on Amazon before coming here. As well as the tiring task of moving all those heavy boxes into my parent’s basement! So getting back around to the point – buy used, send used, I will of course be passing them on to other volunteers and these books will live on forever.

And now I will actually tell you about my day 21.

Homecoming

I finally returned home on Sunday. It was wonderful. I got great big hugs from my next-door neighbors. They conveyed it had been many days that I was gone…too many. In Rwandan there are different physical greetings. You have the handshake, the arm shake – sometimes people don’t want you to touch their hands so they offer the wrist for you to grasp, the mix between the handshake and the high five – essentially a handshake with a bit of a slap in it, the cheek touch – going back and forth European style three times, the arm clasp – instead of going in for a hug you just grab each others’ forearms. There is rarely a real hug – which is actually a blessing since you really don’t want to be hugging most of these people. But when my neighbors went in for the full American hug it felt so reassuring. Home again.

I dropped off my things and ran to church. Right before I entered the school grounds I was intercepted by two girls in school uniforms. “Going to pray?” they asked. “Catholic?” “Follow us. Church is at a different school.” Ok so I was paraphrasing, our English/Kin dialogue wasn’t so coherent, which was why after walking with them for about fifteen minutes I was really hoping there wasn’t anything lost in translation. I had asked if the school was near (hafi) and they agreed but in Rwanda it is common to claim that everything is close. It is also common to say you know where something is when someone asks directions even when you don’t. I haven’t experienced any of these things firsthand but I was passed the generalizations along from my Rwandan teachers. Thank goodness I had remembered to put on my sunscreen. We found the school and mass was just beginning. It is generally always worth trusting strangers and going along for the ride.

On my walk back to town I met Abel #2. He had seen me in church and wanted to practice his English. He was in town because he used to go to secondary school here. He had many friends in town to visit because they had helped him when his mom was in this hospital for four months. I didn’t have the heart to ask if she was okay. He was excited that I was Christian and stressed the importance of praying and trusting in what God has planned for us all.

After church I perused town for groceries because I desperately needed food. There are about 10-15 stores in town. They resemble little frontier general stores – shelves against the back wall, counter in front, you have to ask for what you want and they place it on the counter. The merchandise selection is very small. Almost every store carries the same thing. I was shopping for produce so it is very hit and miss on which store has which inventory on that given day. After asking for avocado (avoka) in 5 stores I was striking out big time. But I REALLY wanted avocado and tomato sandwiches and I wasn’t giving up. Pretty soon random townspeople were trying to help me on my noble search for avocado. It always takes a village, doesn’t it. I ended up meeting back up with Abel, who escorted me to five more stores and made sure I wasn’t ripped off. I enjoy when friends come out of the woodwork, as they so often do in Rwanda.

Before I even dropped my groceries at home I decided to stop in to my neighbor’s house. I’m not sure if I had mentioned it but my neighbor Claudette was in labor when I left town. I was desperate to see her baby. She had a girl! And she is beautiful! I’m guessing she was born at five or six pounds. She doesn’t have a name yet. It will come later at the naming ceremony. I’ve heard of them but never witnessed one so I hope I’m invited. I was so intrigued just to watch everything about parenting here in Rwanda. Claudette let me hold her right away, I must have had a maternal look in my eye. I was a bit of baby hog but I didn’t care. There were two other visitors in line after me because everyone wanted to see her.

Because all the clothing here is just secondhand American or European stuff she was dressed like a normal baby – full fleece outfit. Then she was in one of those big blanket pockets for babies. That is a lame description but you know the little cocoon things. I’m not sure why they had her wrapped up like it was an Arctic winter but I’m not here to judge. She did have a little cough and stuffy nose. They used a q-tip to clean her nose out – a first for me to witness but makes perfect sense when you think about it.

This is a good time to mention breastfeeding in Rwanda. It happens all the time, in public. There is absolutely no social stigma about baring your breasts in public, as long as you are feeding a baby. Some see this as barbaric but I disagree. There are no secrets that breastfeeding is done, it’s healthier and women aren’t trying to keep up a false image of vanity. The baby cries, the boob comes out. Done, get on with your day.

So I entered this intimate world of women at Claudette’s. We were all watching the baby girl and marveling at her. I wonder what kind of life she will lead; what opportunities she will have; what challenges she will encounter. As it is, she’s off to a rough start. She was born in Rwanda, to a single mother, who is an orphan and lives with her grandmother. Unfortunately the lives of women are never easy, especially in the third world, but even in the richest of nations.




Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone. Enjoy that day off!