Two Years

The bus pulled away and a little piece of my heart went with it. In just a couple weeks, they will be wandering the campus that I could walk around with my eyes closed. They will be hugging their loved ones and telling stories of their trip to another world. They will have completed a quick jaunt in Rwanda and be continuing their education.

I had the funniest feeling in the pit of my stomach as the MSU med students left my village today. I had chosen a different path. I've committed two years of my life to creating a cultural exchange and maybe even helping someone along the way.

Sometimes two years feels like a blink. If you consider that a person, at least a female, will probably live well into her seventies, two years is a tiny stint in her life. It can be referred to in stories as those quick two years spent in Africa. But some days two years feels like forever.

I have finally hit that moment when my mental psyche fully catches up with my physical being. I am not in some hazy fog about being in Rwanda, waiting to grasp the decision I made. This is two years, very far from the familiar. I stare at a picture of my nephew and recognize that I won't be there to see him take his first steps. I can only keep up the bonds with my family and friends by compulsively emailing and blogging. I stare at the letters people send me and cry (yes, Africa has made me a huge crybaby). It's not that I want to run home and forget this ever happened. I just recognize that my relationships have to function differently. My communication has to bridge that physical gap. I have to keep some semblance of the 'normal' so I can keep what is so distinctly 'me'. - I still have a huge stack of books and magazines next to my bed that occasionally avalanche onto my head when I sleep, and I have managed to be reading 5 books at the same time, as always. I still go to bed at hours that even grandmas wouldn't be accused of. I still eat oatmeal as much as possible. I still ramble on and act like people are listening…

Two years may seem like too large of a sacrifice for some. But a month long glimpse into a society isn't nearly enough to understand a culture. Observing others for a few days isn't really helping so much as distracting. So I'm going to stop feeling antsy about doing real work here and be proud of the relationships that I've built during this short time. Because relationships are what life is really about…especially in Rwanda.