Highs and Lows

Peace Corps is a mind game -building up your confidence to do a job you aren't qualified to do, stamina in learning a new language, feeling connected to home even when you are so far away, leaning on the support of other volunteers who haven't known you for that long but have become your closest confidantes, missing the familiar scents and sights and FOOD.

There is a cycle of adjustment that Peace Corps tells you, you will go through. The low points are supposed to be around 3-4 months in, and then the lowest around the year mark. But besides these general low points, everyday is a emotional roller coaster. Here is a classic example of what a high and low of my day is.

The low is often a feeling of selfishness. Does my family need me? Should I be there instead of gallivanting all over the world? There is always some rosy picture of what home would be like if you were there. Didn't the food always taste that good? and who can remember stress? The guilt sets in and that's that. Emails and calls from home only make it worse. You have convinced yourself that you are being incredibly self centered by committing two years of your life to a place so far from your mom's hugs.

The high is most often induced by a great cultural exchange or a hug from a random neighborhood kid or the kids calling my name. Like this morning Rwandan TV was showing National Geographic. The program was about the Golden Gate Bridge. I got to explain to Fidele all about bridges, a foreign concept here. He was instantly afraid of ever going on one after watching all the treacherous details. Or later in the morning when he got a call from his brother in law. His older sister had given birth to a baby girl last night. She already has two little boys but was holding out for a girl. Now she will stop having children because she got her little girl. Apparently some things really are the same in both cultures. Sometimes the highs involve other Peace Corps volunteers - like a bunch of us eating dinner together. We made tortilla chips from scratch, guacamole, black beans, salsa and a cheese sauce. We were all standing around the table because we didn't have chairs and it looked like we were in an eating contest, in between laughing so hard I thought I was going to get sprayed with guac.