Inevitable

So I've recently been enjoying a little blog called 20-Nothing by Jesse Rosen. I'd compare it to the modern day, twenty-something's version of Carrie Bradshaw's Sex and the City column. It talks about love, dating, marriage, etc. while making me laugh and ponder. With all these American conceptions of what romance is, I forgot where I was for a moment.

I am still attempting to figure out the Rwandan dating game. I wish I would quickly or my million dollar idea of creating a Rwandan eHarmony will go up in smoke. These things I have figured out:
1. Rwandans will almost always deny that they have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
2. The first time they will admit to dating someone may be the exact moment they are announcing their engagement.
3. Whether it's a generalization or not, infidelity is talked about lightly and may be quite common.

I am stunned by the differences in Rwandan courtship versus American courtship - yes, I still believe people are actually courted. This afternoon I was equally as stunned by 'the list'.

I was having lunch with my buddy Jeanne. We were talking about marriage. Although I was attempting to pressure her into a swift marriage so I could be present at her wedding, she wasn't budging. She has logically chosen to get married in five years. That leaves three years to complete her master's degree and then two years to meet, seduce, and convince/trick a man into marriage.

And then out came the question - so what's your criteria? I blame it partially on the Rwandan accent, but I was completely confused. Criteria for what? For your man. All of a sudden I was right back in America having a girl talk session. Unfortunately for Jeanne I am an ill-prepared girl in these situations because I've never made a list of my specifications/standards before. So I made her go first. They were quite straightforward:
1. Be saved aka a Christian.
2. Be educated.
3. Do not drink alcohol - sometimes goes hand in hand with the Christianity.
4. Love and cherish her, consequentially a lack of abuse and harassment.
Well, these are completely realistic, especially compared to some of the multi-page American girl lists I've witnessed. After all, when did picking a spouse become comparable to shopping online. Just click a few boxes and wait impatiently for that next day delivery.

What struck me most was Jeanne's statement that she is asking God for a good man so He will provide. To Jeanne, marriage and love is inevitable. I suppose Rwandan women in general can clearly see their end point. Every life contains marriage and babies. From the American perspective love can be more fickle. Depending on a few choice decisions - career, education, dating circuits, stubbornness, multipage lists of standards - that marriage and those babies might not come. American women think 'what if I never find that?' or deny that any form of companionship is necessary - 'who says I need someone else to share my life with? I can do everything by myself, thank you very much.' Just seeing Jeanne's serenely calm face while discussing her inevitable marriage, I instantly juxtaposed it with an American girl, nearing thirty, pint of Ben and Jerry's in one hand, romantic comedy playing in the background, trying to come up with coy answers for an online dating site, internally screaming "WHERE IS HE ALREADY!".

So we can silently scoff at their mandatory, medieval culture of coupling and procreating but then again maybe this is one thing they have all figured out. I don't mean the legal contract of marriage, per say; but I am referring to admitting the need to have a long term companion to share life with. What if every late twenty-something, at the end of their education, didn't play games around romance - what if they all admitted that a solid, long term marriage was what was completely necessary in life? Just think how the dating scene would shift.

Now I just have to convince Rwandans to cut out the infidelity.