Racist much?

It is a difficult thing to talk about. No one wants to think of themselves as racist. Or of the possible side effect that Peace Corps is making us more racist. We show up as fresh-faced, openminded Americans. Even if we believe that the US is superior to the developing country we are serving, we still have a respect for the people, and a desire to learn from their culture. It is what has been drilled into our heads from kindergarten on. Don't judge a book by its cover. Don't see color. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

We know what is right and what is wrong. The situation seems very black and white, theoretically. And then you arrive and you get frustrated.

I was having a conversation with a fellow volunteer this weekend and it dawned on us that we were teetering on verge of racism. We have been observing the behaviors of Rwandans for eight months now. We've seen the paranoia amongst them. Every door is locked behind them. Houseboys and girls are not trusted, even when they are family. Close colleagues and friends are not trusted. Every belonging must be behind lock and key, and perhaps even a brick wall surrounding your property with broken glass along the edge. Are they untrusting because they understand that at this level of poverty, people are apt to do what they have to for survival and that may include stealing from a close friend or relative? Is this an after effect from the genocide or does it predate 1994? What allows a people at withhold trust in the majority of their relationships and therefore exist in a shallow reality? Are we also learning to withhold trust from being exposed to this culture? and more importantly, are we now assuming that every Rwandan thinks and acts this way?

What a racist! and yet, there it is. Observation of a culture, assuming you know all the reasons and rationalizations for their collective actions and you are on the yellow brick road to racism. I wish I wouldn't always take the quickest road to an explanation. And yet I may live in this country for two years and still not 'get it'. Will anyone trust me enough to explain why?