It's kind of funny who you choose to go to while making a decision.
I've been thinking of asking people who are out of my immediate universe. The ones who can offer an outside perspective, and perhaps knew me way back when. I pondered how I would phrase the question. Basically I'm looking for reassurance that I'm a great person, this is not contributing to a series of failures or quitting experience that will dictate the rest of my life. I want proof that this is out of character and therefore, a one time incident that will not predict future behavior.
But aren't I really just wanting to hear that from myself. I'm the one that's been here the whole time. I'm the one that is eternally linked to my decisions. Can't I reassure myself that it's okay, no matter what I decide. That I'll still be me. That the people who matter will support me.
Just another day of self doubt in the Peace Corps.
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Not every one is cut out to do everthing. Therefore, there should be no guilt if this PC commitment is just not working out for you. You seem to think this one event is going to define the rest of your life. I can't imagine any successful person not having any failures. Life is full of decisions some right, some wrong, but we shouldn't dwell on the wrong ones or it makes the right ones seem of less value. So if you decide to stay in Rawanda and fulfill your commitment, that's great. But if you decide to go home, no one will think less of you. You need not seek permmision from anyone, which I sense you are doing. Life isn't all that black or white, we can only do our best and in the end, God willing, it will all balance out. So cut yourself some slack. Wishing you a successful decision, what ever that is.
ReplyDeletePS: I posted this once but not sure it went through, so am posting it again. If it's posted twice I apologize.